He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
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His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
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Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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