We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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