I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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