I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
