i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
