hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
