cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i think i have two assholes
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I didn't notice because vodka
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I think my moral compass just broke
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
