Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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