My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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