I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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