you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
