Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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