apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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