I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I had to cum in my sink.
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