My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
