Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
