im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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