she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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