she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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