you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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