i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
The adults are the big ones right?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
