Duck Duck Cougar?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
