just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Randomize
