I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
