i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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