none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
