can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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