How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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