Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
