don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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