How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
