Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
