Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
