obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
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