you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
