the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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