Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
