Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize
