thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize