I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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