I smell stomach acid.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.