How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.