you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate