Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(513): View more from Ohio

I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors

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(513): I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors http://tfl.nu/2p2o

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(847): View more from Illinois

My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.

(1-847): View more from Illinois

How unfortunate for your Mom.

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(847): My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein. (1-847): How unfortunate for your Mom. http://tfl.nu/e7p2

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(402): View more from Nebraska

apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.

(717): View more from Pennsylvania

But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?

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(402): apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor. (717): But why'd she put it on the conveyor then? http://tfl.nu/v0cx

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(815): View more from Illinois

my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"

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(815): my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway" http://tfl.nu/9cdg

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(248): View more from Michigan

girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.

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(248): girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing. http://tfl.nu/feuq

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(952): View more from Minnesota

my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.

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(952): my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck. http://tfl.nu/zv2o

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(229): View more from Georgia

Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?

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(229): Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing? http://tfl.nu/q7mi

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(770): View more from Georgia

After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"

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(770): After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me" http://tfl.nu/acul

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(763): View more from Minnesota

It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language

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(763): It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language http://tfl.nu/6vub

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(214): View more from Texas

Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.

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(214): Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina. http://tfl.nu/1pki

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(626): View more from California

The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking

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(626): The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking http://tfl.nu/7x03

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(251): View more from Alabama

when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight

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(251): when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight http://tfl.nu/vlsg

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(501): View more from Arkansas

When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.

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(501): When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis. http://tfl.nu/n1sn

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket

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(+44): you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket http://tfl.nu/sq21

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(207): View more from Maine

If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you

(1-207): View more from Maine

Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility

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(207): If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you (1-207): Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility http://tfl.nu/lgaa

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