so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
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peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
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Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.