So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Randomize
