Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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