Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
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