Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
