there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
