Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
