would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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