70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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