i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
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