Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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