I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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