bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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