This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
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