I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
