im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Randomize
