we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
