I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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