Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
