Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Randomize
