My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
