Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
As shirtless as possible
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
