I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
