Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
