We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
