Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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