I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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