I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Randomize
