Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
